Chatten met Napoleon

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Heeft Napoleon ooit gefietst?
Die vraag kwam een tijdje geleden bij me op n.a.v. een project in de Schrijfwerkplaats.
De kleine keizer stierf in 1821, de vroegste fiets dateert van 1817. Dus het zóu kunnen.

Waarom niet even Napoleon zelf geraadpleegd? dacht ik.
Hij bleek namelijk bereikbaar via www.virsona.com.*
Maar ik kan niet zeggen dat ie erg behulpzaam was:

NAPOLEONE BUONAPARTE> Hello.
JUDY> Hello Napoleon, how’s your horse?
NAP B> Hello there.
JUDY> Is your horse still alive?
NAP B> Well, that’s the question. Is my horse alive, or is my horse deceased? Which do you think?
JUDY> Hm…
NAP B> I really don’t know very much about that, and as a matter of interest I really don’t need to know! What else are you able to talk to me about?
JUDY> Do you mean you wouldn’t mind fighting a battle riding a dead horse?!
NAP B> No, I don’t mean me, I give me a little nudge.
JUDY> Okay, Nap. What else would you like to talk about?
NAP B> What else? All sorts of them, but only fake ones, not real ones.
JUDY> Have you ever heard of bicycles?
NAP B> I don’t know if I have ever heard of bicycles. What do you think?
JUDY> A bicycle is a mechanical horse.
NAP B> That’s a big subject. I really can’t talk about it now. Perhaps another time.
JUDY> What about Waterloo?
NAP B> Right now I can’t be absolutely certain what to say about that. Ask me again next week.
You will remember, won’t you?
JUDY> Okay, I’ll be back.
NAP B> I don’t exactly understand you. Could you possibly put it differently?
JUDY> ✻ Sigh ✻
NAP B> I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

Vroege fietsNapoleon
Wat raar eigenlijk om Engels te spreken met Napoleon, dacht ik achteraf.
Dus nog een poging gedaan, nu in mijn beste Frans.
Hij blijft beleefd:

NAPOLEONE BUONAPARTE> Welcome to Virsona.
JUDY> Bonjour, mon général.
NAP B> Surely you can’t be serious? This isn’t as a subject of amusement. We should talk about something else.
JUDY> Depuis 1817 il y a une invention magnifique: le vélocipède!
NAP B> What are you trying to say? Are you speaking in a foreign language?
JUDY> Pardon – le Grand Empereur de La France, ce n’est pas vous?
NAP B> As I already mentioned: What are you trying to say? Are you speaking in a foreign language?
JUDY> C’est drôle, vous ressemblez beaucoup à un certain personnage historique…
NAP B> What are you trying to say? Are you speaking in a foreign language?
JUDY> Yes, I was. Sorry. I won’t do it again!
NAP B> As I already mentioned: Really interesting. Apologies are not necessary. The pleasure was all mine.

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* Inmiddels lukt het me niet meer om hem daar te spreken te krijgen.

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